You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The power of my boobs compel you
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
