what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
