my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
should my penis look like a turkey
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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