Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
