you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
