my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
