Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Dignity is for republicans.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
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