Porn is love you can see.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
