He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
They have beer where we have blood.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
