When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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