listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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