I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
