Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
