I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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