Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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