So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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