i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
