She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
