Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
