It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
