I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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