Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
