I will die if light touches me.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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