And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
