He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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