I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
