Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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