u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
we should paint friendship bongs
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