I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
