Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Actions speak louder than pants.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
