Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
