They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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