the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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