He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
