Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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