I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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