You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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