my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
This is classic penis vs brain.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
