part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
