Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
