i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
