It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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