Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
