she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You were trust falling into bushes
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
