Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
