I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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