I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
