Swine flu. Run for my life!
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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