I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
