At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
