There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
