singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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