Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
ugly people sure do ruin things
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
