I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
