i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
