is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
