I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Randomize
