It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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