after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
