Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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