Your mouth is God's brothel.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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